During the day I feel fine, it almost doesn’t feel like it happened. I live my life as normally as one can live it and try forgetting about the pain.
It’s at night that the pain really kicks in. I don’t think I’ve not cried at night for the past two months… I keep getting these painful flashbacks to her suffering in her last weeks and it makes me extremely tearful and sad. The type of sadness that hurts my heart worse than any other physical pain I’ve experienced. I try remembering about the good memories but the bad ones kind of just take over and I start feeling guilty. Like her final moments… her patting my head while I hugged her for the last time while she mummered “it’s going to be okay”. When does this pain end?
I’m feeling guilty, mad, pissed off? I don’t know… I talk to God everyday and lately, I don’t hear anything. I don’t know if it’s me just not wanting to listen anymore, but I feel like I’m having a crisis in faith. Is this normal? Is this part of the grieving process everyone talks about?